What TO say and What NOT to say to a bereaved person when a death occurs
What TO say and What NOT to say to a bereaved person when a death occurs
WHAT TO SAY
1 Let me know if you need help to make arrangements
2 We are thinking of you
3 I wish there were words to say that would make everything
better
4 We will miss him/her
5 If you want to talk I will be there for you
6 As most people don’t know what to say and are afraid of
inadvertently upsetting the person. The best thing to do is
to “SHUT UP AND LISTEN”
7 The best Councillors are REALLY GOOD LISTENERS and
very poor speakers
WHAT NOT TO SAY
1 Its probably a blessing
2 He/She is in a better place now
3 I know how you feel
4 God won’t give you any more than you can take
5 Stay busy it will take your mind off it.
6 Time heals all wounds
7 You will get over it
8 It’s only a baby you can have another one
9 At lease his/her pain has stopped
IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER
1 You and your feelings are NOT important
2 Yelling, screaming and tearing cloths and hair; while very
dramatic is NOT helpful.
3 Arrive at the service early
4 Wear appropriate clothing. (Skimpy and revealing are not
acceptable)
5 Sign the memorial book if there is one. Don’t expect the
funeral company or a family member to find it after the
service because you were late or couldn’t be bothered to
sign earlier.
6 Turn off your electronic device. (You can live without it for
the duration of the service. Trust me the world will not
end)
7 DO NOT video the service on your phone and post it on
social media without permission.
8 DO NOT post anything about the funeral of the deceased
on social media without permission from the deceased
family. (MANY FAMILIES WANT PRIVACY AT A TIME
LIKE THIS)
9 DO NOT monopolise the bereaved persons attention
before or after the service. (There will be time restraints at
a crematorium, church or cemetery. Your extended
conversation might just result penalty rates or fines.
Furthermore, other people will want to offer condolences)
10 In a church, or other venue if you are not familiar with
proceedings just sit quietly. You do not have to participate
11 Keep in regular contact with the person. (Many times
people will keep away because they are afraid of saying or
doing something that will upset the person)
12 Men have feeling as well. Don’t ignore them and expect
them to handle everything by themselves
13 Booze and drugs are NOT the answer. GENUINE FRIENDSHIP IS
PLEASE DO
Contact the bereaved person several days after the service to: –
1 Just to see how they are
2 Offer meaningful help
3 Go and have a cup of tea with them and be prepared to
listen. DO NOT Offer advice.
4 Keep in contact with the person
5 It is alright to cry with them
6 It is alright to laugh with them
7 Listen to the stories about the deceased sometimes you will
get to hear them time and time again. It is important for the
person to talk.