What TO say and What NOT to say to a bereaved person when a death occurs

 
What TO say and What NOT to say to a bereaved person when a death occurs
 
WHAT TO SAY
1       Let me know if you need help to make arrangements
2       We are thinking of you
3       I wish there were words to say that would make everything
         better
4       We will miss him/her
5       If you want to talk I will be there for you
6       As most people don’t know what to say and are afraid of
         inadvertently upsetting the person. The best thing to do is
         to “SHUT UP AND LISTEN”
7       The best Councillors are REALLY GOOD LISTENERS and
         very poor speakers
 
WHAT NOT TO SAY
1       Its probably a blessing
2       He/She is in a better place now
3       I know how you feel
4       God won’t give you any more than you can take
5       Stay busy it will take your mind off it.
6       Time heals all wounds
7       You will get over it
8      It’s only a baby you can have another one
9      At lease his/her pain has stopped
 
 
IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER
1         You and your feelings are NOT important
2         Yelling, screaming and tearing cloths and hair; while very
          dramatic is NOT helpful.
3        Arrive at the service early
4        Wear appropriate clothing. (Skimpy and revealing are not
          acceptable)
5        Sign the memorial book if there is one. Don’t expect the
          funeral company or a family member to find it after the
         service because you were late or couldn’t be bothered to
         sign earlier.
6       Turn off your electronic device. (You can live without it for
         the duration of the service. Trust me the world will not
          end)
7       DO NOT video the service on your phone and post it on
         social media without permission.
8       DO NOT post anything about the funeral of the deceased
          on social media without permission from the deceased
        family. (MANY FAMILIES WANT PRIVACY AT A TIME
         LIKE THIS)
9       DO NOT monopolise the bereaved persons attention
           before or after the service. (There will be time restraints at
          a crematorium, church or cemetery. Your extended
        conversation might just result penalty rates or fines.
          Furthermore, other people will want to offer condolences)
10     In a church, or other venue if you are not familiar with
          proceedings just sit quietly. You do not have to participate
11      Keep in regular contact with the person. (Many times
          people will keep away because they are afraid of saying or
         doing something that will upset the person)
12     Men have feeling as well. Don’t ignore them and expect
        them to handle everything by themselves
13      Booze and drugs are NOT the answer. GENUINE FRIENDSHIP IS
 
PLEASE DO
     Contact the bereaved person several days after the service to: –
1      Just to see how they are
2      Offer meaningful help
3      Go and have a cup of tea with them and be prepared to
         listen. DO NOT Offer advice.
4       Keep in contact with the person
5       It is alright to cry with them
6       It is alright to laugh with them
7       Listen to the stories about the deceased sometimes you will
         get to hear them time and time again. It is important for the
        person to talk.