I have forgotten the amount of times I have been asked for my standard funeral package because that is what everyone has. Just the usual or whatever is normal. For a start do I look normal and what is normal anyway?

Let’s look at the difference, first the cake mix. The photo looks good on the pack, the instructions tell me everything is included and best of all I can sort of understand what I am supposed to do. Anyone know what temperature a moderate oven is? Ok time to start.

Open the pack and look inside. Now that’s a bit of a mystery. All it is, is some dry powder that looks a dirty brown colour. Hope they know what they are doing. Stick it all in the bowl as the instructions say. Add a bit of milk. Yep looks about right. Stir it all together then stick it in the baking tin. Hang on where and what is the baking paper to line the tin with. So much for everything included. Shove it in the oven then watch the footy on the telly for a bit while it cooks. (What did you expect I am a bloke!!!) Come back and WOO HOO it is not burned after all. The instructions say to let it cool for a bit then stick on the icing. Yep did that. Mixed up the icing and lost half of it to the kids doing the taste test. It looks nothing like the photo on the pack but who cares?
Out with the knife and the kids crowd around drooling with anticipation because this is Dad’s first attempt. Cut a bit off for each of us and….. How come the cake tastes like cardboard dad?

So much for packages because they don’t always turn out as you would have wanted or expected. Humans are all different and each of us have different needs and expectations.

Borrowing a famous statement spoken by Forrest Gump “My Momma said life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are gonna get.”

Consequently, each of us needs to ask ourselves. Do we want a cookie cutter package type funeral? Or do we want a funeral that is meaningful, suits our individual personality and wishes. Or do we just take what is in the box and hope that we end up with something that does not resemble my attempt at baking a cake from a premixed package.

So, let’s look a little closer at funeral packages:

Package 1

  • A standard green colour coffin with yellow lining and no
  • A cremation at an obscure Crematorium
  • Jack Sprat the celebrant (Because he is cheap)
  • Music chosen by the crematorium operators drug dependent
  • One red artificial flower stuck on the coffin

Happy with that. Good sign here and away we go

Yes Mrs. Smith I know your family would like to carry the coffin into the crematorium but there are no handles on the coffin so it is not going to happen. And no, you can’t keep the artificial flower because we will need to use it again for the next package funeral.

However, if you would prefer to drop the package idea and allow us to assist in putting something together that really suits your individual family needs.

At Academy Funerals, we will offer a large range of choices and products for you to choose from.

For instance: – Coffins, and Caskets, Flowers, Memorial Books, Bookmarks Order of services, singers, musicians, celebrants, male or female religious or civil as well as access to other service providers that may be required before, during or after the actual service.

A caring funeral director will come to visit you and your family and discuss your personal needs then carefully craft a funeral together to ensure that the end result is something that is meaningful to both the family and the deceased. Life and people are not like a box of chocolates we each know the person we will be honouring. Keeping in mind that we only ever get one shot at a funeral and it must be handled correctly with care and dignity. I guess that a cookie cutter package would never work.

Best thing to do is to have an idea of what you would like to happen then talk to one of our experienced funeral professional who will make everything happen for you.

And a little word of advice. Ashley is a terrible cook even when following the instructions. Anyone know the number for the Fire brigade?