So many are
experiencing loss at this time of year especially as emotions are high and can
come to us when we least expect it. We
can quickly become overwhelmed. Since my
brother died, I have learned a couple of things that have helped me deal with
grief. Grief comes in waves lasting 20
to 30 minutes because our bodies can’t sustain such strong grieving for much
longer than that. In time it will be less and less, they’ll be smaller and
further apart. Don’t resist these waves,
it’s a part of your healing. Allow yourself to flow through them and be patient
with yourself. Feeling helpless and
broken, as others celebrate the holidays… and pretending and putting on that
brave face for everyone around you is exhausting. Christmas is a time for memories. All of our senses move us backwards in time,
with the lights and foods, the smells and songs. It’s easy to say ‘be thankful
for what you have’ or ‘they’d want you to be happy at Christmas’… it’s another
to accept it.
I know it’s OK to
‘pass’ on Christmas, to stay home and say no thanks to festivities. I just
don’t feel I should. By being around
others and not wanting to spoil their holidays, forces me to wait to deal with
how I feel.
So, for me I push
these waves back as best I can knowing that I’ll make time for it later. I’ll
wait until I’m alone and I’ll cry, write, talk to them. I’ll look at pictures,
and just miss them. I know if I don’t allow myself this time, I won’t be able
to continue through the holidays without them, with any strength I’ll surely
fall apart. As you continue through the
process of grieving, as you make your way through the sadness, I believe every
day is a day closer to some peace of mind.
Some suggestions I
found that may help you get through the holidays…
* The anticipation
of the day will probably be much worse than the day itself.
* Take a flask of
soup and some sandwiches and GO WALKING ON CHRISTMAS DAY.
* Be prepared to
weep as you get out the decorations. Set aside a time to do this as a family or
on your own.
* Make a Christmas
wreath or decorations you could place on their grave.
* ACCEPT ANY OFFERS
OF HELP and don’t feel like a failure for doing so.
* For the first empty Christmas, don’t try to recreate old rituals. DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. If possible,
get away somewhere
and begin to create some new special memories Even if it’s a disaster, it will
be a different sort
of disaster!
* Try to find very
good friends to spend _me with, where you can really be SAFE and you can all
cry, laugh, whatever.
* Try to spend at
least a short time, just as a family, to allow each person to remember or share
something about how
they feel. Be
careful not to spend too much time on this as it may be too heavy.
* LIGHT A SPECIAL CANDLE on Christmas Day.
* Avoid the shops as
much as possible – it can make Christmas feel more empty and shallow than it
already feels. Don’t be pressured into
feeling you HAVE to do anything – remember you only have to do as much as you
want to do.
Source: www.shatteredhearts.org/grief-at-christmas
Reprinted from “The Compassionate Friends” December Newsletter
National Helpline
We have a new national 24 hour help line number for those in need:
1300 064 068
